Enjoy the Rain

Life is a constant control of natural urges: stop eating so you don't get fat, don't smoke so you don't get addicted, clean your apartment so you don't get spiders, do your laundry, your homework, your taxes, take a shower, hug your friends, talk to your neighbor. Do any of these actually seem natural? Not to me. Smoke because you want to, don't shower cause you don't. It seems like there is an urge, supposedly innate, in most people to look your best, to do your best, to maintain the status quo.

I would argue that this urge is superficial. Now, perhaps, it is taught 'instinctively' by our parents and our teachers to be kind, courteous, polite, to stay clean and quiet, and always get the A. Its fine to raise children in a structured environment. They of course need stability, but where does it stop? Do this, don't do that - for the rest of our lives?! Even when you are older and understand this, if you choose to break from the 'norm' in any fashion, there will always be judgment passed. Often it even comes from a complete stranger. This is what needs to be taught at a young age: don't judge!

Today, I was walking to class, and it was pouring. I wore jeans and converse because it was a light drizzle when I got dressed. By the time I parked on the usual completely-across-campus street, it was a monsoon! You couldn't see your hand in front of your face! Luckily, I had brought my cheap-as-shit umbrella that I had randomly acquired. About halfway through the 20 minute walk, class had already started and I was drenched to my knees with the umbrella leaking from the middle. As I walked down the brick path in front of Old Main, I got this urge to say "Fuck it!" and stand there without the umbrella's "protection" over my head and look straight at the sky. The sound and the smell of the rain was incredible, and to stand there uninhibited would have been so glorifying.
I didn't do it though. I might have muttered a curse word or two, but I kept that stupid umbrella over my head and marched on. Why, do you ask? Because I knew if I let down the umbrella, I would have been soaked to the bone. This sounded great given the desire present, but it was that moment in front of the class, all eyes on me, that replayed in my head. I would walk in, dripping wet with an umbrella in my hand, and everyone would think "What an idiot." That embarrassment alone kept me from carrying out what would have been a fun and liberating experience. I sat there the entire class time looking out the window, hoping it would be raining as hard as before when class got out. It wasn't at all.

The point is: we are so concerned with looking perfect and being perfect all the time, we miss out on the fun, messy, risky things in life. Living 'by the book' sounds so incredibly boring to me and if I had a second chance, I would drop the umbrella and enjoy the rain.